Loneliness

I was trying to think about my potential clients and what they might be feeling and I landed on loneliness.

Apparently loneliness has reached epidemic levels in our society. In the past loneliness was most often associated with older people. Those who had lost a spouse and/or their capacity to get out and interact with others.

But loneliness is not just for the elderly any longer. It is felt by teen agers and middle aged people and even young children.

I believe loneliness begins when we have a disconnect with self.

When we begin to see ourselves as someone different than those around us or even find ourselves in a role we did not anticipate. It is almost as if we don’t recognize ourselves and so we no longer feel grounded, or natural or comfortable in our own skin.

It is easy to see how someone who is alone all the time might begin to feel lonely and want to be able to reach out and connect with others.

I have felt lonely when I am with my whole extended family.

I have felt lonely sitting in church surrounded by women.

I have felt lonely in the same room with someone I love dearly.

So, yes, if you are at home by yourself or surrounded by young children, you can feel lonely.

It is actually possible to feel lonely anywhere because the disconnect is internal.

Loneliness is not just painful, but it actually has been proven to be life threatening.

BYU Psychology professor who is a leading expert on loneliness and has spent her career researching its effects.

What should we do if we recognize we are feeling lonely? First, offer yourself a whole lot of compassion as acknowledging loneliness is not an easy thing to do.

Understand that the need for connection is one of our primal needs. At one time being part of our “tribe” was essential to our physical safety and survival. Presently, our connections remain essential but not for our physical safety but for our physical and mental health.

Loneliness feels painful. It has even been treated successfully with pain killers

According to an article in Psychology today, there are things you can to do combat loneliness and I will list those, but I first want to suggest that before fleeing from or altering our current condition, it would be both productive and self loving to recognize the origin and gain some understanding around your experience. You could ask yourself a series of questions such as: Why am I feeling lonely? Has anything recently changed in my relationship to myself and/or others? How can I best support myself at this time? Who do I feel safe with expressing my discomfort? And, of course, remind yourself that loneliness is all part of the human experience and a part that can be altered.

Here are some suggestions from Psychology today+some that have worked for me. Oh…except I need to add…go run with a friend!! That pretty much solves every human problem…and I am not kidding.

The “others” list is easier for most. Both lists begin with the offer to “look up” that includes from your device as well as anything else that is drawing your gaze down.

Our phones/devices are not necessarily the best connectors. The article addressed online vs. in person relationships. I won’t go into that here. I do think that online relationships have their place but the closer you can get to in-person the stronger the connection. Seeing someone face to face is best but if you can just hear their voice that is better than a text or email.

The article said that within 30 seconds of speaking to someone else face-to-face, the lonely person began to feel better. Also, physical touch is very effective. Even a touch on the arm or back. Talk to the stranger, wave to your neighbors, share meals {or tea}.

As a good friend said to me recently, “Life is too short to feel lonely.”

Let’s stamp out this epidemic….no masks needed:)

xoKathleen