If You’re {not} Happy And You Know That

Photo cred: My amazing DIL and adorable Grands @tamalynannphotography

This is a recent “mommy and me” photo shoot that I am obsessed with!! I mean who doesn’t love a happy baby clapping pic?? Love in this pic how mom is having just as much fun as baby even though she obviously isn’t finding joy in her own clapping, but rather in his discovery. Sister is also happy but not equally as thrilled as the other two appear to be. All good. Not all happy is created equal; there are different levels and motivations for emotion and all have their perfect place.

Lately I have been trying to lighten up and have more fun. Sounds easy, right? But here is the thing with fun…sometimes the harder you try to have it the more you chase it away. Like many things and people, I’m supposing. My MIL likes to point out fun when it is happening which, to me, feels like a jinx. The more I am made aware of the fun and asked to confirm the fun the more quickly the fun seems to lose its spark. Fun can seem fragile and fleeting, at times.

One point I would like to be clear on is that fun {and happy} is a feeling or emotion. It is not a setting or even an activity. We feel happy or experience fun according to our thoughts not according to our situation. For example, Disneyland= happiest place on earth. However, not everyone at Disney is feeling happy or experiencing the fun. This is true because only the people that are thinking the happy thoughts are feeling the happy vibe. Whereas there are other {many, I would imagine} who are thinking “The lines are too long.” “It feels hot!” “Everything costs so much!” “When is naptime?”

Another example to consider: have you ever been participating in an activity that usually brings you joy and yet you find yourself thinking mid activity…this isn’t even fun today? Why would that be? Moving your awareness to your thoughts can help you find your answer. Get curious…what was I thinking before or during said activity that might have been different than in the past?

If what I am saying is true, it would seem that we could just think all the happy thoughts which would bring about more happy. Yes, we could but we don’t Why is that?

Sometimes we may feel we need permission to be happy. Like, it’s not okay for me to be happy around all of these unhappy people. One of my least favorite sayings is, you are only as happy as your saddest child. What? So, not true. Too much pressure on your kids to link your happy to theirs. Additionally such thinking limits your emotional freedom in a very unhealthy way.

An important element of our human experience is that all emotions are allowed and even appointed as essential to our evolution. A lot of angst could be alleviated if we could stop thinking of emotions as good or bad. If this were true then we could eliminate the judgment around not feeling enough of this or that. Including happy, TBH.

As I mentioned above, there are different levels of emotions we can experience. Look at Cassie {above} she looks pleasant, possibly reflective and content. Sometimes the whole LOL happy may not seem natural or available to us, not a problem. There are plenty of other lovely feelings ready for the taking. When you are wanting to feel more positive but can’t quite jump into joy, perhaps you could try some of these on:

There is actually quite a bit of research out there on how gratitude directly affects our sense of contentment, happiness and joy. I also believe that acceptance is a big piece of finding happy. Life will give us both the amazing times and the sucking times. No way around that truth.  How we navigate those times has a lot to do with our ability to accept what is and move through it. 

It would not be a Kathleen Allen, Life Coach blog post without a good "how to list" of  pointers or to do's so here you have it:

The above are actions that will assist you in getting to your happy place ONLY if accompanied with thoughts that bring on the happy. Let’s practice those:

“This is the BEST DAY EVER!” {honestly could be true since it is your only today}

“I am the queen of fun!”

“I remember how to have fun!”

“I have so many things to be grateful for today!”

“My emotions. My choice. Today I choose happy!”

Wishing you all the happiness and fun!!

xoKathleen