If The Body Is Not An Apology, what is it?

Updated my blog post with the new revised cover front.11/12/21

I listened to a podcast of Brene Brown interviewing Sonya Renee Taylor about her new book entitled: The Body Is Not an Apology.

I put it in my library cue and within a few weeks, I picked it up. The cover has a black woman lying naked with strategically placed flower blooms. It catches your attention for certain. It is beautiful, really.

I love the idea behind the title. One of the most profound ideas that Sonya shares is the fact that we celebrate all the different varieties of oak trees and can appreciate each one for its uniqueness. We would never think to only appreciate one type of oak; and yet, with people we seem so committed to having a limit to our accepted varieties.

The oak tree analogy came as Sonya introduced that her “body” reference, while does encompass the body of an individual, also applies [in her teachings] to us as a body of humans.

I have spent years noticing all that I deem “wrong” or “unappealing” or “not quite there” about my body. I have recently become more aware of this body shaming and have done some exploring to try to figure out where it originated from. I have my theories. I can get into that..sometime…maybe. But, as Sonya suggests in her book, most of our ideas can be traced back to our childhood or puberty. Of course, the media has had a profound influence as well. It doesn’t take much for us to be shaken out of our “not so logical/rational child mind” enough to at least start to question the validity of our critical self evaluations.

For me it has always been so fascinating to observe others who seem so comfortable in their bodies. If I’m being honest, always! It was even confusing as the criteria that I thought factual (too fat, too thin, too old…) that I was using to judge others would certainly deem many of those I saw to hide their bodies, rather than to comfortably display them. I was/am envious of their level of self comfort and acceptance.

I was thinking that if our body is not an apology than what is it? And what I came up with today in my post workout shower (which…sorry but this is where much wisdom comes to this brain!) was this…I think our body should be our “home”. If you believe, as I do, that we each have a soul residing in our body then I would like to suggest that our body is a home to our soul/spirit/essence (pick your verbiage). The reason I like home is because I have certain feelings associated with “home”.

Home is where I long for when I am feeling….sad, happy, tired…actually pick any emotion and it fits, but especially the ones that feel more negative. Home is a place to be nurtured. Home does not have to be perfectly clean, accessorized or even a certain size or color but it must feel safe and supportive.

I remember when I started dating my husband and how our conversations felt so very natural. When we embraced..it felt like home to me. It still does. After years of living in manly different settings…being with my person feels like home.

This is going to be my journey…to travel to the place emotionally, physically and spiritually where my body feels like home to me.

I honestly believe that I as I am able to create “home” for my body, it will allow me to also offer “home” or acceptance, refuge and support to the whole body of humans I am blessed to be surrounded by.

Kathleen Allen, Active Life Coach