Enoughness= Acceptance and Growth
Years ago {2008 to be exact} when I hired my first personal trainer, she and I were discussing where I was in my fitness journey and where I wanted to go. I told her that my challenge would be to decide “How fit is fit enough?” I don’t remember us spending any time contemplating the answer to that question but it always just hung out there as some illusive object never to be retrieved. The song “Never enough” from the Greatest Showman keeps going over and over in my head. I realize that sentiment pertained to no amount of fame would fill a personal void=truth. At times I have felt that no matter what I do…there is always more I could be doing. How do I know if I am doing enough? How do I know if I am enough?
Recently I was introduced to Kristin Neff’s work on self compassion. She offers an online quiz to see where you are on a self compassion score. Here is the link: Kristin Neff Self compassion quiz. Take the quiz, let me know where you landed. Where did you score high and where is there room to grow?
As I have been studying self compassion, acceptance and also growth and evolution, I realized I wanted some sort of a visual to figure out where the balance between self acceptance and growth lies. I realize that most often I am tipped towards one or the other and that I would really like to spend more time in what I call the balance of enoughness. Thus, the image above. I believe for me to feel like I am thriving, I need to have a pretty equal dose of self acceptance and that of effort or striving.
I have included in the image what thoughts and feelings would accompany a state of balanced enoughness. It is important to note that a balanced enoughness includes acknowledging that some days are not going to go perfectly and may even suck. It’s not that the feelings I listed would be the only ones you would feel as you are in balance, but they would dominate or drive your actions on those days when you are enough.
Let’s look at what happens when the scale tips…acceptance dropping and growth or functioning increases. For me this feels like over functioning. When I am not getting the results I would like in life, this is the enough scale that I seem to default to.
When I let self acceptance or compassion begin to dip, I tend to balance that with over functioning. For me this feels like I am working too hard. No matter what I do, it never feels like my efforts are enough. This may feel like the proverbial hamster wheel. Thoughts go to not enoughness and feelings are guilt and disappointment. I might sit in this model for quite awhile and then wonder why I feel so tired or depleted. The interesting thing is that often, like a teeter totter as we try to self correct, we may just slide too far in the other direction, which then leads me to: self indulging.
I know when I fixate on self acceptance sometimes that masks other behaviors that I don’t want to be engaging with; for example victim mentality or blaming others for my results. I also know that I am indulging if I am spinning in confusion and indecision. It is interesting that self comparison comes up when I am tipped either way. It really is never a good idea to compare yourself to others. Sometimes we even compare ourselves to our past selves and that also interferes with our enoughness balance.
In summary, I think the enoughness balance is critical to our achieving the results we want most in our lives. As we come to find the sweet spot between self acceptance and self growth I believe that is where we will meet our truest selves.
This work is not easy. It involves a high level of self love and awareness. Sometimes that is difficult to access on your own. If you would like help exploring how to apply the enoughness scale in your life so that you can start to feel calm and content and even joy on the regular, I’d love to work with you! Click on the button below to set up a FREE consultation. And if this message resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts, feel free to email me: kath@kathleenallenlifecoach.com.
xoKathleen
