Embracing You: What does that look like?

This week on Fight Like A Mother Podcast: see episode 58 Finding Your Voice

I did something pretty fun a week or so ago, I was able to record a podcast episode with my sister! My sister, Cheryl Cardall has a podcast to support parents who have children with mental health challenges. She provides a safe place for them as well as resources of where they can get the help they are seeking. She, and her husband, have five children all of whom suffer with one or more mental health issues. She has had a lot of life experience parenting said children as well is trained as an early childhood educator.

Cheryl asked me to come on her podcast to discuss how to help mothers learn to become more empowered. We had a great conversation, but like many great conversations, I left thinking of all we could have said and ideas keep popping into my head. Empowering yourself begins with the understanding of its importance. The only way that you can contribute to the world outside of yourself is to first look inside and strengthen and support yourself. The stronger you can stand on your own two feet, the more challenges you are able to bear and the stronger you will be for others who need your support.

Today I plan to add some thoughts specifically on our #1.

ONE: Embrace your individual self and your innate self worth.

Embracing your individual self is finding out what makes you unique and celebrating that. It also includes self confronting what you may not like so much and loving yourself through all of it. Telling yourself that it is okay and perfectly understandable that you are where you are at this point. This doesn’t mean that you won’t try to evolve or improve but that you can accept all of your humanness.

Giving you a look into what this has looked like for me: I am someone a bit obsessed with efficiency. I like things to be done in the most efficient manner. This does not always mean efficient time-wise but it could mean efficient in the amount of discomfort a said task would require. For example, a few years back I read about the most efficient cadence for a runner. The article I was reading credited studies of both elite and amateur runners. The conclusion they came to was that the most efficient cadence is 180 steps/minute. When I read this, I promptly went out and started counting. If you count how many times your right foot hits the ground in a minute and x2 you will have your cadence. And…wouldn’t you know…I was right at 90 or 180 steps/minute. This pleased me but didn’t surprise me that my body had figured out how to run with the least amount of expended effort.

So, efficiency=a good thing, right? Not always…for example, when I get hustling too much sometimes I make mistakes and then my great grandmother’s statement comes to mind, “Haste makes waste.” I recently have come across another way that my desire for efficiency is not something that is in alignment with one of my core values. Call this a character-clash. I was listening to a podcast by Brene Brown where she talks about the acronym she and her team have developed to quantify the 7 steps of trust. They use the letters for the word: BRAVERY. I am not going to go into all of them but the “V” stands for the vault. Meaning, when someone shares something with you that it is understood that you will keep their confidence. {Keeping it in the vault}. This furthermore means that if you are speaking to someone, that you do not speak about others without the person present. Brene calls this “hot wiring” for connection. This would mean me talking to you about someone else’s story and the reason, I would do so would be for the two of us to have a connection without revealing anything about ourselves. This is what you might refer to as relationship efficiency. But, herein lies the clash. I do not want to dishonestly connect with you as in “hot wiring” someone else’s experience to do so.

When I heard Brene’s podcast and recognized my misuse of others’ stories, I determined this was something that I {for sure} wanted to change. It has been a process. I have spoken to close friends and siblings to help them make me accountable for my new desired behavior and I have caught myself {a lot} before slipping into past habits and patterns. I have not been perfect, for sure. In fact, even on the podcast, I give an example of someone else doing exactly what I am trying to stop and in so doing….fell right back into a pattern without realizing it until after the fact. So, in this case compassion for myself would look like me recognizing progress and regression and realizing that I am learning and growing and being human, again. {thank goodness for podcast editing…only Cheryl got to hear my mis-step."}

And this is where the second component of this first step comes in: innate self worth. Every person on this great planet is blessed with innate worth. Nothing we do or don’t do affects our worth. When we make mistakes no matter how grevious, we are still human beings worthy of God’s love. Each person has the same innate worth none above another. I have always felt strongly about this. I believe this is one reason I find it quite easy to communicate/connect with others. I have had close friends or family members question me as to why I am not intimidated to talk to certain “important” people. I really feel like we are all equal. We all deserve similar consideration. This is not to say that I feel shame at times. I do, but for some reason the truth of innate worthiness rings so true with me that I don’t often challenge it.

Some people have told me that they don’t even know where to start to get to know themselves and their individual strengths and unique abilities. A place to start would be to make a list of times when you felt you were capable without much effort, as in something came almost naturally for you that may have not come so naturally for others.

Additionally, There are quite a few personality tests available online; that can be a starting point. I think these test are informative but not entirely comprehensive but again, a place to start.

Other actions that show self respect are those that take care of your basic needs. This may seem obvious, but when was the last time you intentionally planned your own food or got a book for yourself from the library? You may pick up the house, but what does your closet look like? Is your bathroom the last to be cleaned? I don’t point out any of this in a judgemental way but just a suggestion for you to consider yourself in your “caring for those around you” plan.

It all starts with you. It must.

Would you like help looking at you? Here’s the honest truth..the most efficient way to evolve as a human is to work with a life coach to uncover old beliefs that may be standing in your way of becoming the most amazing YOU! And who better than a Life coach obsessed with efficiency;)

I’d love to help!

xoKathleen