Becoming Who You Are, Part II
I remember.
I was 33 years old. Had just had my third son. Life was busy. I felt I was behind. always.
My husband came home and mentioned a colleague that he was talking to and who had mentioned a book she was reading. He seemed very interested in what she had to say about the book.
I started thinking. When was the last time I read a book? (I mean a real one. Not Brown Bear, Brown Bear) What could I discuss with my husband on a deeper level than toilet training and cleaning?
I realized that I literally had LOST myself in the care of my family. And not in the scriptural lose yourself and find yourself. This was loss from sheer neglect.
I know it sounds so trite. The mom who lets herself go as she cares for everyone around her, but I am telling you this is REAL!
It took me some time to explore who I was. Gradually I started finding different ways to re-discover myself. I read a few thinker books like Viktor Frankl’s Man Search For Meaning, Og Mandino’s The Choice. I also started running. It began with just a 20 minute escape run as soon as my husband came home from work; and grew from there. I also started participating in a “writers group”. We called ourselves “The Rough Writers”. It was a group of women that was so diverse. Women ranging in age from their 20s to their 60s. We would come with an essay we had authored or even a journal entry and share with the group. We would then critique each other’s contributions and give suggestions and share significant life experiences. Sometimes I would write an essay that directly conveyed my life experience and other times I would choose poetry which allowed me a layer of ambiguity that protected my vulnerability like a thick blanket of fog. Either way it was so therapeutic.
I have come up with a few questions that might help you if you are also on a “discover yourself journey.” I will say that this discovery (for me) is still in process and I hope it is one that is life-long.
1) When was the last time that I laughed out loud for more than 2 minutes? What was I doing? What was I thinking at the time?
2) What was I doing most recently that made me tingle inside and felt natural and yet challenging?
3) What do I like to read? watch?
4) What strengths do I have?
5) What unique contributions have I made to a group?
6) What beliefs do I have that feel like they are so strong, they were given to me specifically?
7) Last, take some time and write down 25 things you would like to have or accomplish. Don’t hold yourself back. No limitations. Anything goes. (This is meant for you to really think about your desires)
Don’t stress if some of these questions create anxiety for you; that is totally normal especially if you are not used to thinking of you. Like anything, this takes practice. Think of it as getting to know a neighbor who just moved in. There is no way for you to know or appreciate everything about her in one or several meetings. It will take time, but it will be worth it.
And, just as my last post illustrated, as you know yourself, you will be able to understand the unique contribution you have been put on this planet to give. It is yours and yours alone to give. I can’t think of anything sadder than to consider that your gift might never be realized. An unrealized gift is a gift that can never be shared. And what good is that?
Can you imagine what a beautiful existence if everyone felt free and compelled to seek for their gift? I think this is God’s plan. He wants us to support (and love) each other in our unique way and how can we do so if our way has yet to be discovered?
How will you know you have found your gift?
You will REALLY, REALLY want to share it.
Go find yours! If you need help, I would love to help you.
Kathleen xo
