The EmPOWERed YOU/Week 5
In a most powerful (pun intended) podcast Brene Brown interviews Elizabeth Lesser on the power of women’s stories. Within the podcast Brene mentions the components of Power Over vs. Power With. Most often I have heard this discussed as it relates to a corporation, community, organization, or even a family. For the past several weeks I have been discussing how each component can be applied to accessing individual power. This is week 5 and the final post in the series.
I have really been looking forward to writing this component of the Power Over {Withholds praise and encouragement} vs. Power With {Generous with praise and encouragement}. The reason being this is a concept that I thoroughly believe to be true, and yet. The application of this principle is a challenge for me. I am one of those annoying “fix it” people. I come by this quite naturally. I remember sitting in the waiting room for my eye doctor when I was very young. And…waiting room is the correct term. It was always at least an hour wait and sometimes a few hours. Imagine?! I remember my mom, on several occasions, saying that if she could get a hold of the doctor’s appointment book that she could solve the waiting problem. She told me how she would do so. I mean, we had a lot of time to discuss. I honestly have to hold myself back from watching the flow of things in a restaurant, at any kind of office and don’t even get me started on the way the Sacrament is passed out at church.
Here’s the problem: if you are exclusively focusing on the what needs to be fixed then you are living in negative energy. It may feel positive because, after all, you are improving things which is good, right? Wrong! You know what this is? This is you {me} not accepting reality. period.
And additionally, if we are only looking for things to fix, we are not able to see what IS working. That may not seem important, oh! but it is. You see, as we notice what IS working we are able to step into that positive energy and you know what dwells in that energy? Motivation, Strength, Empowerment! The kind of energy that allows you to put in extra hours without even a hint of exhaustion. Have you been in that energy before? Usually it is when you have found something you are passionate about.
Have you observed a teen that doesn’t want to get off the couch to do their chores, but put them on a sports field or dance floor and they have unlimited energy and drive? It is the positive vibes driving their energy. Now, I know sometimes it may have been negative energy that got them started started. Perhaps they are worried what the coach may say or do if they don’t perform up to expectations. That type of motivation is not lasting or empowering. The kid that lovvvvves the sport will put in all of the time and energy and that exertion seems to even drive more capacity rather than drain them as logic might suggest.
The power of positive energy.
I believe most of us are familiar with research that has been done regarding children and positive vs. negative interactions. I was reading an article that was specifically talking about educational environments. The article referenced the suggested ratio being 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative. If this ratio was maintained the students were found to have fewer behavioral disruptions as they felt more connected to the teacher. The students also displayed more powerful engagement in the learning process and thus higher academic achievement. All of this as a result of having a more positive learning environment.
It’s all good and credible, right? What does it have to do with personal empowerment? Have you heard how you talk to yourself? And…not the outloud stuff..although that as well but what about the thoughts that run through your brain without your even being aware? Are we even close to an ideal 5:1 ratio? My guess would be no. I think I am so far into the negative camp that I have to consciously look for what IS working.
As I was composing this post I decided to commit to a bit of personal research. For one week, I am going to track (as close as I can) the number of positive to negative messages I give myself. Now, I realize this will be skewed as even bringing awareness will taint the numbers but I am willing to take that risk as I think keeping track will {hopefully} bump me into the positive camp. {Bring it!} I will report on my experiment in next week’s blog post.
In the meantime, Cassie Jane has some suggestions:
I don’t want to be misunderstood that I am suggesting a life full of toxic positivity. Nope. Not going there. I think a BIG part of being human is learning how to process/experience all of the emotions both positive and negative. So, in this frame, we are saying “yes” to all of it. And instead of judging ourselves for the negative thoughts or feelings, we are going to observe them for understanding and then move through them. To be clear there is a difference between, “Life is always rosey and I see nothing but sunshine.” to…”No matter what comes my way, I will be able to work through it.”
I am suggesting that we move from self critic to self cheerleader. When we walk by the mirror…smile and wink rather than grimace. When our mind wanders to a shortcoming, we quickly think of {at least 5} strengths to every (1) weakness. If you are the praying type, try giving thanks for (5) things to every (1) blessing asked for. Let’s really get this ratio in check.
While I am working on my research this week, you focus on being generous with self praise and encouragement. Let’s see where this energy can take us.
xoKathleen
